The Sound You Are About to Hear...

...is brilliant 5.1 digital surround sound! Yes, I finally brought my sound system into the late 20th century. At midnight tonight I was listening to a paltry Left/Right sound system. As I was lying awake in bed, I was struck with a brilliant mathematical formula

2 Sony tower speakers
+ 2 Boston Acoustics bookshelf speakers
+ 2 Radio Shack special
+ 3 different brands and gauges of speaker cable
+ 1 hour for cabling
+ 1 hour for futzing around with the settings on the receiver,
+ 1 coax digital cable, 'cause the optical digital cable didn't work!!!
--------
= Rock on!

To test the system, just to make sure everything worked, I felt compelled by all that is nerdly to watch Star Wars. It works. Oh yes, it works. Two scenes that had to be seen: The opening scene (Princess Leia's Corellian Corvette fleeing the screen-encompassing Imperial Star Destroyer) and, of course, the Death Star trench run. Sadly, I don't have a subwoofer yet, so the actual destruction of the Death Star was less than impressive. That's going to have to be my next major purchase -- a sub that causes nothing less than intestinal peristalsis. After the initial discomfort, I know that my movie watching experience will be better, if not a little messier. I've seen the Death Star explode countless times. Now I need to feel it.

A. Morissette Moment

I set aside a couple of hours to go see The Chronicles of Narnia tonight. It's been out long enough to start getting bumped from theaters for new movies like "Cheaper by the Sequel", "Yours, Mine, and Our Remakes", and "Memoirs of a Gei-Cowboy". I enjoyed the movie, but that's not the point. This blog is about Alanis. Her song "Wunderkind" played through the end credits of Chronicles and while her dulcet tones sounded, I didn't want to move. (Honestly, I don't think dulcet is a word I think accurately describes Ms Morissette, but I like the word.)

How long has it been since I last heard her incredible voice? It wasn't on "Curb Your Enthusiasm", in which she played herself and sang a benefit concert with the assistance of a full-collar neck brace. By virtue of my continued existence, I didn't hear her true voice in "Dogma", in which she played God. With a great sense of humor.

I think the last time I heard this Canadian crooner was when she sang her song "Thank You". Specifically, when I saw her video for "Thank You". Truthfully, I can't remember a word of that song except for the title. The only other word that comes to mind is NAKED.

No, it's been far too long since I've heard Alanis sing. (n. alanissing. ex: "Hey, guys, let's heat up some wassail and go Alanissing!" No longer will Carole reign over the public's desire to wander around town performing a capella non-holiday specific vocal pieces.) Sure, I could go to a concert. Sure, I could walk into a music store and purchase a CD. Sure, I could just download a playlist from iTunes. Sure I could download a song from eMule; after all, it's not really stealing. I could also wait for some kid to buy it from a legitimate retailer, knock him down, steal his copy, and before fleeing the scene, cut his hair to a respectable length such that he doesn't look like an extra from the movie Caddyshack.

Of course, I could do any of those things. I would probably really enjoy doing some of them! But Alanis Morissette is one of those artists whom I have mentally catalogued as "Radio Only". As in, "Hey, I haven't heard a song from this guy in ages", and I turn up the volume. Or conversely, "I am so sick of this song, this artist, this station, and this stupid car!" and I change the station. During the Jagged Little Pill era, I was more closely aligned with the latter state of mind. These days, I find myself in the former. Especially tonight, as I was leaving the theater. I got in my car, a '94 Lincoln Continental, turned on the radio, and immediately found myself being soothed by those dulcet tones again. I imagined what it might be like to be on the other side of that song, by way of a telephone conversation:
"Oh, hey! Yeah, I'm doing well. Things are pretty peaceful here. What? No, Alanis, I didn't forget about you. I didn't mean to be diciplitous. Duclipitous. Whatever. No, no, no, you could never bother me, no matter when you call. Actually, I do think about you when ______. (The radio gets real quiet at that one part, and I still haven't figured out she's saying.) You know, it's the weirdest thing, every now and then my back really starts to hurt!" Awkward phone call.

It just started to rain here so I can expect to lose power any minute. Better finish this entry. Besides, my podcast is over and I just finished my beer. I recommend both: "The Roadhouse" podcast for great blues and Sam Adams' Hefeweizen. Hefeweizen is German for "You vill find tis bier ferry refreshing und light. Try it vit a slice uff lemon!" You can't go wrong with truth in advertising!

By the way, if you haven't seen Chris Parnell's and Adam Sandberger's SNL music video "Lazy Sunday", you must see it. Click here to check it out

An Inauspicious Beginning

All I meant to do was sign up for a user name so I could post on my friends' blogs more easily. Really. And then the sign-in wizard asked me, like some minimum-wage earning fast food register jockey offering me fries, "Would you like a blog with that?" What was I supposed to do, click No? Who could turn down a deal this sweet? Besides, I've got stuff to say. Big stuff. Important stuff. Stuff that's going to get me Slashdotted and Dugg. Just you wait. Next time you try to read someone's blog and the whole of Blogspot is shut down, that's just me and my big important things getting read by the entire Internet. So stick around and wait for it. Any day now, I am going to start having profound thoughts and posting them here for the entire world to read and marvel at. But first, I need to go post a comment on another blog. Ever been to New Prussia?